I’ve Missed You

I remember waking up at 4 a.m. to go see the sun rise on the top of some damn mountain. I hated that I agreed to sleep over that night. We stayed up too late playing video games but you were raring to go at 4:30 and rushing me. We were out by 4:48. My bad. I fell back asleep in the car and we made it to the mountain less than an hour later. The first part of the hike was fine. Then came the harder parts. Then I was sweating. Then my feet couldn’t touch the ground. More climbing. Finally made it to the top. Only a few others were around but the view was amazing! I fell for you all over again. I thanked you for the experience but asked if we could take the wide fire road back down instead. You laughed and obliged. I know you appreciated being able to talk more than on the way up.

I remember cooking meals with you, secretly wishing you would get out of my kitchen because you were in the way and not seasoning things quite like I like, but I didn’t want you to leave. I remember talking to you until midnight and 1 and even 3 a.m. knowing that I had to be up at 630. I was late to everything those days, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I remember reading in bed and just touching legs and feet. Nothing beyond that. I remember when you would fall asleep reading. I would put the book up, turn out your light, and kiss you good night. I either would sleep right away or keep reading, but no matter what happened, instinctively you would roll over and nudge me to be held try to hold me, which was always amazing because I’m a furnace when I cuddle. You were a trooper for enduring that heat!

You laying in my lap when watching a movie. You falling asleep. Heh. You arguing with me, trying to figure out my mindset behind something you couldn’t understand, hoping that you hadn’t lost me to the game. Holding hands in the movie theater. Eating your cooking and you eating mine. We bathed each other in love, water, embraces, and care. We looked out for each other. We cared about each other’s loved ones. We talked about the most mundane things without ever getting bored.

I was free to be my weird self around you and you lapped it up as I enjoyed you being yourself. And that’s what I miss most about you.

I thought I found you in different places and different faces while in different spaces, but they weren’t you. They had glimpses of you but they weren’t the full package. A couple of times I think I foolishly rejected you when you came back because it didn’t fit an ideal image in my mind. And I’m so sorry I did that to you. Yeah, everything for a reason, but sometimes I need to let myself be open to all the possible forms you take in coming back to me.

You never give up on me. You always try to reconnect in some way. You need me as much as I need you. I’m sorry for hurting myself in trying to find you. That’s not how you operate. I’ve always found you when I haven’t been looking. You show up at the right time. I don’t need to be a possessed savage, fangs bared, blades pointed, cutting away at someone trying to get you to come out and only walk away with something resembling you that isn’t you taken out of my fresh kill as I tend to my own wounds. Please forgive me for hunting you. That’s not how you’re found. You live in a palace, not in the wild. You clothe me with dignity, regality, respect, and love.

I think, even now, I’m actually seeing you in the oddest of places. You’ve taken on the oddest form yet but one of the most comforting. Fortunately, I’m calm enough to let us reconnect again without rushing, panic, or fear. I almost rejected you again because my mind couldn’t rationalize what was happening, but this time I’m rolling with it. I’ll sit down next to you, be calm, take you in as you take me in, and enjoy you fully for however long you stay this time.

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Keene Point of View 02152013

HAPPY FRIDAY!

This week I’m talmbout Scandal (no spoilers), State of the Union speech, Illinois Senate and gay marriage, Chris Brown and Frank Ocean (and Frank’s utter boredom at the Grammys), Jesus’s retirement (the Pope is resigning), and I want to know if Jesus Christ is your nigga. Enjoy!

New Video at Keene Point of View

Click here to watch: http://keenepointofview.com/blog/2013/02/08/keene-point-of-view-02082013/

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John McCain Embarrasses Us Again

Today’s post at Keene Point of View: http://keenepointofview.com/blog/2013/02/04/john-mccain-embarrasses-us-again/

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Latest Vlog: Keene Point of View 02012013

This week I talk about why I missed Scandal (boo!), how North Korea and Iran are playing with their lives, why Chris Culliver sucks…possibly more than just in the figurative sense, what Jesus has done for you, and why I feel it’s wrong to have political statements from the pulpit. Finally, I wrap it up in a nice big “Farewell to 30 Rock” bow. They aired their last episode Thursday night and I thank them for 7 great seasons!

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I’m Over Here (Mostly)!

Just a friendly reminder. I’m over here now. Join me there for blogs relevant to politics, Christianity, and gay issues. I also do a weekly video blog where I get ratchet (uncouth) and might grill a celebrity or three.

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New Post at Keene Point of View

*NEW BLOG POST* | “F-Bombs” | Fantasia! Azealia Banks! Perez Hilton. | Please read! Enjoy! Share! Thanks! | http://keenepointofview.com/blog/2013/01/10/f-bombs/ #ICYMI

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